Sunday, September 17, 2006

Not to be a Bitch, But..

There are some things that are definite beauty don'ts. While I fully appreciate that everyone has their own style, there are some things, in my mind, that are absolute Nos. The list includes:

  1. Dark lipliner traced around a lighter color lip. This look is too creepy! Lipliner can be an important step in doing your face, but the look should be subtle, not like a giant ring around your mouth. Avoid this by blending your lipliner in, using a matching shade, or trying a product like DuWop's Reverse Lipliner (more on this later).
  2. Super long fingernails. When I was a kid, I used to flip through the Guinness Book of World Records on a yearly basis, and the picture of the dude with curling fingernails used to scare the hell out of me. Anytime your nails curl or could be mistaken as weapons it's time to give them a trim.
  3. Speaking of nails, one big nail no-no is fingernail decals. You've seen 'em, I'm sure. People think it's stylish to put decals of American flags, hearts, or...perhaps the yuckiest thing I have ever heard of...a shadow of people 69-ing on their nails. Why?, I ask. Do you really need tattooed tackiness on the tip of each finger?
  4. Grillz. It might just be me, but I would rather have my bling in the form of a really nice pair of earrings, a gorgeous ring, or fabulous necklace. A mouth full of diamonds and metal? Nope, not for me! Plus, how are you supposed to eat, drink, or do other important things with a mouthful of hardware? Wouldn't it get in the way?
  5. Blonde and black striped hair. Full disclosure here: I've had a million different hair colors, including blue, purple, and a stripe of pink. I am not talking about the Manic Panic induced hues here. What I'm referring to are girls with ultra-white hair on the top of their heads and blacker than black lowlights underneath. The resulting look reminds me of Pepe La Pew. Now, if the person wearing this look was a punked-out goth girl, it would be perfectly acceptable, if not cute...kind of like Hedwig and the Angry Inch. But the girls in question are usually running around in pseudo-designer clothes and Fendi bags. They look like Paris Hilton had a run in with a bottle of ink.
  6. Mismatched foundation. Foundation should blend right in to your skin and you should never have a line around your jawbone or forehead. You should also use just a light touch when applying foundation. You aren't going through the world waiting for your close-up, so being covered in pancake makeup is not a necessity for most women. However, you do see plenty of women with pounds of foundation glopping up their pores, what my husband often calls "Cheeto" skin. Yuck.
There are plenty more bad make-up examples out there--this is just the start. I'm sure something will set me off for another bitch session soon.

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